Sunday, December 30, 2012

My Intentions for 2013

This year more than ever, I feel the need to set a clear intention for the New Year. I am not sure whether it is the uncertainty of not working or the influence of Susannah Conway's Unravelling 2013 (This is a really useful process that has helped me review the last year; the sweet times and the challenges. I highly recommend this free workbook)

2012 was a mixed bag for me; some amazing adventures in our big trip to Europe, some great learnings both in my print class at Kuringgai Art Centre and writing classes at the NSW Writers Centre but also on-line. I have dabbled in several classes but my favourite eclasses have been those run by Susannah Conway- I love her style.

So looking back at 2012 my words for the year if it was going to be a book title would be something like "Delve, Discover and Dissolve" or "The Year I lost my way". Whilst there were many great things about this year, my health issues (including DVT in Morocco and the consequent depressive reaction I had for several months when I returned home, a swollen knee from doing exercise that took over a month to resolve, a mysterious electric pain in my jaw that lasted for a painful three weeks) as well as my resorting to old behaviours of over-eating and over-drinking to compensate leading to weight gain and more misery.

Somehow, the thing that resonates most with me about 2012 is my desperation about keeping control, my stress about uncertainty and ultimately my inability to go with the flow. OK so these have been issues that have been part of me all my life but suddenly in my year of transition- the year after we sold our business when I was supposed to "discover" myself and find my "inner creative", I have struggled. My anxiety created a lot of stress and at times, I felt quite lost.  

Towards the end of 2012, I realised that I am still grieving for our business, for my work role, for a structure that gave me meaning and so the word for 2013 that kept popping into my head was "Relinquish". Time to relinquish my micro-managing control, lose the kilos that I have gained and let go of my old patterns for dealing with stress and relating to the world.

The more I thought about "Relinquish" it only felt half right. I also want to take on board some new patterns and new behaviours so another word "Embrace" also resonated with me. I want to embrace writing- part of my strategy for letting go of our business is to write about it, what worked, what didn't, what we learned, embrace new exercise routines; a series of injuries have made my favourite exercise routines like running and gym classes more strain than help and I want to embrace my new view of myself in the work world, without the title of business manager and owner..I also want to embrace a role that will give back, so I have started looking for voluntary work where I can use my skills to help others...and in the spirit of letting go I want to embrace some playfulness, spontaneity and flow.

But more than anything else, I want to "Create". I want to create more beautiful quilts, create a healthy and energetic body, create a lifestyle that I love, create a new work role.

So I have three words for 2013- Relinquish, Embrace and Create.. somehow they are all related and interlinked. What is your word or three for 2013?

Sunset Lord Howe Island 2009




Saturday, December 29, 2012

Best of 2012 in photos

Inspired by Susannah Conway and Elisa Blaha, two of my favourite bloggers at the moment, here are some of my best moments captured in photos in 2012. ooh it was so hard to choose but here goes..

Best Sunrise: Sculpture by the Sea, Sydney Australia

Best New Photography skill:  Night Photography Centennial Park with Peter Solness
Best new friends; Ahmed El Jabri & family, Marrakesh, Morocco
Best Sweets: Istanbul, Turkey
Best Taste Sensation: Goat Cheese Snow, San Sebastian, Spain
Best Silliness: Noosa Queensland
Best Flower: Protea from Gooloo, Milton, NSW

Best discovery: Reflections make great pictures, Launceston Tasmania














Christmas lights

St Mary's Cathedral in Sydney put on a spectacular display of Christmas Lights this festive season. Bruce and I took  some photos of the colour and the lights.











Friday, December 28, 2012

2012 in review - best books

I love my books and I am constantly reading partly for escape, partly on a quest to learn more and often to find out more about myself. In 2012 here are some that have grabbed my attention..

Expanding my horizons

Christina Baldwin Storycatcher; Making sense of our lives through the power and practice of story "Story binds us, gives us place, lineage, history and a sense of self," says Christina Baldwin. This book takes us through the importance of being a storycatcher, how we weave, create and tell story. Using her own story as examples, this book captivated my imagination and spurs me on to be a better storycatcher.




Susan Cain Quiet: the Power of Introverts People often question that I am an introvert and I have struggled at times to accept that I am one. But the most telling sign is how I get, regain and maintain my equilibrium- alone, in quiet and often with my nose in a book. In a world where being an extrovert is the norm or the preferred way of relating, this book draws on research to explain and understand the experience and preferences of the introvert.



Brenda Tharp & Jed Manwaring Extraordinary Everyday Photography This book taught me to look for beauty in the everyday; to slow down and look for the smallest signs of beauty in the space I inhabit. Encouraging me to photograph with heart, I love this book.






Kelly McGonigal Willpower Instinct (or Maximum Willpower in some countries)
Being a person who struggles constantly with willpower especially over excessive eating and drinking, (yet demonstrates great willpower to achieve work tasks) I was naturally drawn to this book. Kelly writes in an easy manner and explains how willpower works, how to improve willpower through training and how we all have limits of self control.




Fiction

SJ Watson Before I Go to Sleep This is a stunning debut novel by English writer, SJ Watson. The story tantalises us with the intriguing concept of a woman with amnesia, who wakes each day not knowing who she is. Drawing on a journal that her neurologist has encouraged her to keep, Christine tries each day to piece together her past and find scraps of her memory. It is a gripping mystery that unfolds with surprising twists and turns.

Barry Maitland Bright Air
Set in Sydney and Lord Howe Island, this is a gripping thriller that kept me engrossed until the end. Not a standard detective story but rather an unfolding of a mystery. Lord Howe is one of my favourite places in the world, its pristine beauty, crystal clear waters as well as stunning reef and fish. Naturally I loved looking for landmarks in this book.

This was my first Barry Maitland novel and I went on to enjoy several of is other police / detective stories set in England.

My fiction genre of choice is mysteries, thrillers and detective stories. this year I have indulged in the latest releases of my favourite authors; Lynda La Plante, Tess Gerritson, Elizabeth George, Jeffery Deaver to name a few.


Tuesday, December 25, 2012

2012 in review Best places

The end of 2012 is fast approaching and it is time to review the year. First here are four of my favourite places

Bay of Fires in Tasmania


Cappadoccia, Turkey



 New York, New York



Marrakesh, Morocco

Saturday, December 15, 2012

the announcement

Two years ago, at our staff Christmas party, we told our staff that we had signed a contract to sell our business. It took another 8 months before the handover was completed. I am now realising that the experience of building up a successful business over 20 years as well as the experience of letting go what had effectively become a huge part of our marriage and family as well as part of who we are as people, is something I must write about next year.

I wrote the story below last year when I was still dealing with the night of the announcement.

Standing in the foyer, I can see our staff arriving for the Christmas dinner. I am aware that I have a secret. Bruce and I have been harbouring this shocking secret for almost six months. I feel a nervous churning in my stomach.

I am the designated speaker, the one to tell this tale to them all. I have been practising the speech for six months, waking fitfully and rehearsing at 3am. Tears course down my cheeks every time I say the words. I have perfected it now, honed it to a beautiful script. I am due to tell them after we have eaten entree. God, only a couple of hours to go.

I damp down my anxiety push my rehearsal into the background. I put on my friendly smiling welcoming face. I pretend it is just another Christmas dinner.

The waitress brings a glass of white wine. I take the glass gratefully. I sip the cool dry liquid and feel it soothe me. I admire the view from the window. The Opera House and Harbour Bridge are lit up against the inky night sky.

Behind me I hear the happy joyous chatter as our staff reconnect, greet each other and share their wishes for the Festive Season. "This is such a gorgeous location" they say. Little do they know.

The room feels warm and close. I move to chat to a small group of laughing women. We talk about our plans for Christmas, how we will spend time with family. I cover my deception with chitter chatter.

I am relieved when we are ushered into our private room. Twenty four people sit around the table. Bruce and I are together at the head. I study the menu and choose my meal thoughtfully. The table looks pretty. Tea lights twinkle. I hear the snap of Christmas crackers. Brightly coloured hats adorn their heads. There is laughter and enjoyment. I am aware how shortly this will change.

The final plates are cleared. It is time. I rise to my feet. The waitress has been pre-warned. She discreetly finishes filling water glasses and leaves the room, closing the door behind her. I take a breath, aware that all eyes are on me. I tell a story. I say the words that I have rehearsed. I tell them gently, softly and with love, Bruce and I have reached a decision. We have signed a contract to sell the business. They will all have jobs, not much will change, just that we will leave and be replaced by a company that they know and love.

It wasn't so hard. Surprisingly, I didn't cry. It felt so good, like a heavy burden had been lifted from my shoulders. I take in all the faces. So many people are crying. Quietly, softly just letting tears trickle down their faces. They will miss us and we will miss them.

I sit down. Bruce stands and reassures them. We had to do it. We are sorry. We will be there for the ride. We won't be leaving for 8 months. It's not over yet. We invite questions. The questions come. Slowly at first, they ask, we answer.

Then more food arrives. They turn to each other and engage. At least, they have each other on that they can depend.

Sydney Harbour by night 2011

Friday, December 7, 2012

virtual dinner party

Over at our Blogging from the Heart Facebook group, we are holding a virtual pot luck dinner party. Everyone is bringing a dish to share. What a great way to share food and good company all around the world.

My contribution will be two summer favourites that I love. Simple and fresh.

My roast vegetable salad. I have roasted eggplant, sweet potato and beetroot pieces and blackened them with caramelised balsamic vinegar. Then once cooled added them to a salad of silverbeet, lettuce, red cabbage, a medley of grape tomatoes, chopped baby capsicum, basil and red onion. Extra caramelised balsamic is there to add to individual serves.





I have also made a summer fruit salad of mango, strawberries and passionfruit to served with Greek yoghurt.






Tuesday, December 4, 2012

the purple bliss

Jacaranda trees are in flower in Sydney and the purple blooms are blissing me out. Every morning our front garden, path and driveway are carpeted in lovely mauve blooms.



Arty view of tree in the park Dec 2012

 




close up bloom Dec 2012

 
view from our bathroom Dec 2012




purple carpet front path Dec 2012

Monday, December 3, 2012

Monday Haiku

Haiku 3 lines 17 syllables (5-7-5)
 
White lightning slashes
Illuminate horizon
Heralds teeming rain 
 
 
 
Lightning Anna Bay 2010
 
 
 
Inspired by the theme STORM at

Letting go

When I go on holiday, one of the treats that I relish is to have a massage or body treatment. This time, in Noosa as we perused the menus of the different spas, I was drawn to the item described as the Dead Sea Ritual.

It was a two part process; the first involved a float in a salt pool in a private room followed by a body scrub and mud mask to refresh my skin.

The float promised to deliver the equivalent of 4 hours sleep in a one hour float. Struggling with sleep deprivation, this seemed like the perfect antidote with the added bonus of having soft smooth skin after the mud wrap.

I love the feel of soft smooth skin when it has been scrubbed and sloughed and smoothed and creamed. Sometime, I find it hard to believe it is mine when I run my hand over a baby soft thigh after a treatment. Aah but I digress.

My husband chose the more manly option of the spa pool, sauna and a deep tissue massage for his tense muscles.

Booked in, the only instruction was to bring our swimming costumes for the float and the spa pool. All else would be provided.

On arrival, we were treated to a drink of lemon and lime juice, to start our detox process, I can only guess. It was tart and tingling but yummy. I love tart fruits and juices.

After changing into my costume and robe, I was shown into the private float room. A large bathing pool with about a foot of water lay before me. My guide explained that the pool is treated with a high density of salt and so I will float. Once I am settled, the lights will dim and only twinkling stars will be seen overhead. (I could choose total darkness but my anxiety led me to choose some light). It is necessary to lie back and stay flat in the pool as sitting up or causing excessive motion will set off the sensors and bring attendants rushing to my aid. As this is a private room, you can choose to be naked or wear your swimming costume, I am told. I choose modesty even though I am quite comfortable with nudity.

Earplugs will protect my ear canals from the salt. If my neck aches, just place my arms behind my head for support, I am told. The attendant leaves saying the lights will come back on in one hour, but if I doze off, she will come and fetch me.

I step into the pool and wonder how I will ever float here. Lying back though I find that yes, I really do float. My legs stretch out naturally, my head feels rested, it is just my arms that seem uncomfortable. I place them by my side, but my elbows ache. Folded on my stomach seems OK until my neck aches. I gently move my arms up behind my head and yes it does give some relief.

I am conscious of my swimming costume, everything about me is brought into hyper-awareness. The stars are too bright. The costume cuts into my shoulder. (Note to self; next time choose nudity and darkness)

Floating around, I start to think, how long have I been here? How long have I got? I need a clock to see how time is passing..

Can't sit up, Can't check the clock, all I can do is wait and float. I seem to rotate ever so gently beneath my twinkling canopy. I can see different perspectives of the room. I am supposed to be relaxed but I feel agitated.

Then I realise, this is about giving in, letting go and relinquishing control.

I am not so good at this. I start to think about the few times in my life when I have actually accepted and given in and relinquished control. Not often. I remember another spa bath, twenty two years ago as I sat submerged in deep water feeling the water soothe the labour pains and contractions as I gave birth to my son. Yes that was one of the few times, I remember having to let go and just go with the flow as my body delivered a new life onto this planet.

So I just have to go with the flow I close my eyes. I tell myself to let go and relax. It seems like seconds pass and the lights come back on. I must have dozed off.

It's over I realise. My gosh, where did that hour go? It is as if the seconds and minutes simply evaporated into the ether.

I sit up, shower to remove the salt and robe up to go to the relaxation room. Lying back on the recliner chair I think, I could sleep forever, I close my eyes again. My limbs are heavy and I am sinking into the chair.

I hear my name being called, time for your mud wrap. I stagger to the treatment room where I am scrubbed, scraped, caked in mud, steamed and rinsed. While I am in the mud infusion, my head is massaged in a way that seems to release all the remaining tension from my limbs. "How do you feel? asks my treatment therapist. "Like I could sleep forever." She smiles and then helps me to my feet and escorts me to the recovery room.

That night I don't sleep well, it is as though my inner peace has been jangled and jarred by the experience. I am so disappointed. But then I am rewarded, the following night, I sleep the deepest and most refreshing sleep I have had in months. It is as though that first night I was sloughing off the final vestiges of stress and tension that had been residing in my body for the last few months. Now I am allowed to give in and rest, switch on my parasympathetic nervous system, stop being hyper vigilant and always in control...

Another thing I have noticed, maybe it is just the holiday, maybe it is the float but I have come home so focused and clear and creative. I am itching to write and make stuff, I am powering through my to do list and it is in a caring and happy way not a stressed out "this is a burden" kind of way. I feel as though I have a new perspective and I am learning to love the me that I am becoming.

Hmm, this float thing could have something going for it. I think I will definitely try it again.



Full moon Noosa beach with birds and boat. Nov 2012




Sunday, December 2, 2012

Monday Haiku 19 November

I have been away and missed my Monday Haiku. I did write two for the 19 November prompt but didn't post it.

The prompt was Tree on Haiku Heights.

Smooth white curved trunk
Tiny scribbled pattern maps
Insect journey home

Scribbly Gum Tasmania January 2012

***
 
 
Ancient trunk felled
Beauty etched bold design
Insect artist work
 
Wood with ink drawing effect. Oct 2011